he told me I talked like a deaf person
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
