Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Someone stole a lamp last night.
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