she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
