after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
