I feel great
I just peed on a car
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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