I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
