He kissed a someone with a penis
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
