I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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