and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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