Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
