apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
worst night to have a conscience
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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