the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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