Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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