I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
