He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
