is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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