Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Randomize
