my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
He has the fingertips of a God
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