Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
