I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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