Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
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I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
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Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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