Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
