sorry about calling you the devil all night.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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