id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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