I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
