Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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