i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
so let's talk penis.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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