She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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