put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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