But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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