Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
