just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
