Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
