It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
