I wish I could teleport
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
