I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
