i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
two words: eviction party
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
