no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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