My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
