I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
