you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
