i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
