no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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