What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
