i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
