I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
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I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
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At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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