Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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