UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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