Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
