were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
