I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
