fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
