Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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