Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
