we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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