He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Michael Bay diarrhea
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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