Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
