also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
