Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
