She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
