So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
