Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
