im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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