I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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