Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
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Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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