There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
My feet surprised me
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
